A: One of the things that keeps us wrestling with our thoughts and beliefs is a subconscious desire to hold onto the old belief. I think everyone reading this by now realizes that most of humanity lives until death in a state of unconsciousness. Most everyone around you and me (and often we can be included in that group) is simply sleep-walking through life. To the un-awakened, thoughts, feelings, and emotions all appear to occur as a reaction to outside stimuli. It takes a deeper level of understanding to accept responsibility for the lives we create. The question I’m answering in this post has come from literally
Often times the struggle happens on a subconscious level, which is obviously very difficult to identify. Generally there is a subconscious desire to remain a victim. Obviously everyone is different, but for some people remaining a victim makes them feel like you have a “right” to be angry or upset. Being a victim, at least to your subconscious understanding, feels like a a way to hold on to power! For others, Maybe holding on to blocks or limiting beliefs is simply more familiar to you, and so even though you may feel glimpses of energy shifts, the new, higher level of thinking is just foreign enough to you that it is difficult to hold on long enough for lasting change.
The first thing I think you should realize, is that this experience (learning and trying to apply a higher level of awareness but not breaking through or continuing to slip back into old habits after breakthroughs) is the norm, not the exception. Even though it probably doesn’t feel right that you could possibly be holding on to your blocks simply because they are familiar or because you subconsciously (and mistakenly) believe they give you power, you probably are. If your life is not exactly what you want it to be, you are blocking yourself somewhere.
I’ve worked with someone who is in her 60s who has spent her entire adult life being a victim. She has been studying personal development materials for over 30 years, but only has flashes of energy shifts. After hours or days or even weeks of brilliance, she slips back into old habits of unconsciousness, and victimhood. Her parents divorced when she was young, partly because she and her younger brother were abused by their father. Her older sister was already out of the home when the abuse began, and never did forgive her mother for leaving their father.
For about forty years, there has been a rift between the older sister, who supported her father, and this woman and her younger brother, who supported their mother in the divorce. There has also been very little communication between this woman and her father. Each time there is communication, she would be disrespected and hurt coming out of those conversations. Until a short time ago, despite decades of personal study, it never did occur to her that she loved being a victim. She wanted to be “right.” The continued pain she felt when she thought about her difficult situation convinced her further that she was right, which was confirming to her.
Little did this woman realize that buying into her role as the victim was harming her in every aspect of her life. She felt like she was doing fine with her finances (not as well as she would like-mind you), had fantastic relationships with her spouse, children and many close friends, and other than being 50 pounds overweight, was satisfied with her health as well. Until we identified this desire to be the victim, and the subconscious motivation behind that desire, she mistakenly believed that life was pretty good. (I say mistakenly because of how dramatically better her life was after we removed the blocks!)
Once we actually got to the belief, and the motivation behind the belief, it was a relatively simple process of replacing that image of victimhood with empowerment. She was able to have compassion for her older sister and father who didn’t see things the way she did, but were equally right in their perception of what had happened. After all, she acknowledged, everyone is doing the best they can at their current level of evolution– everyone. She was able to completely forgive herself for buying into the victim routine for almost her entire life, and was even able to forgive herself for not making that discovery sooner.
Once the belief was sincerely transformed to one of empowerment, her life completely blossomed. She discovered that she had been playing self-manipulation games to motivate herself, instead of acting on inspiration. Once she stopped trying to manipulate herself into reaching goals, she discovered that she had spent most of her life manipulating those who were most dear to her– her spouse and children, and even her parents and siblings. When the games stopped (they didn’t feel like games before…), all of those relationships had a new sweetness to them that fed her energy and joy. Her finances dramatically improved as well, and she began working out regularly. She told me she was more excited about “following the prompting to work out” than losing 50 pounds.
Now that she has successfully navigated from victimhood to awareness and on to empowerment, life will never be the same for her.
The neat thing we learn here is that it’s not a disaster to discover that you are not the person you thought you were. On the contrary, it is the beginning of the end of the disaster.
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