Q: “So what would a mentor do to help me?”
A: The short answer is “it depends.” Everyone is different. However many people do have common concerns, and the process for discovering what an individual needs is pretty well established. Ultimately the mentor is there to be able to take you by the hand and walk you through the process of discovering your blocks and limiting beliefs. Once you have identified them, it is a relatively simple process to replace them with beliefs that build and strengthen instead of blocking or limiting.
One belief to be aware of before you start clearing away old beliefs is...
Once again, this is a belief. As long as you believe it, it will be real for you. When truth is embraced, however, it will set you free. Tim Paulson in his book Love and Grow Richtells a story about a life that changed in an instant:
“When I was just a little boy, my dad became a full-time professional artist…. We lived in my grandmother’s garage in Santa Barbara for the first four years of my life. Later, after my parents paid to remodel the garage into a nice apartment for Grandma, we traded homes with her. Though it was a tight fit, the seven of us (my parents and five kids) managed more easily in the house. With the three bedrooms and one bathroom, it was a lot better than living in the garage.
It was in these circumstances that my parents received a phone call from a good family friend named Jerry Morgan. Jerry called to see if my parents would be willing to care for two young boys whose mother had just suffered a nervous breakdown. Quarters were already tight and the family budget was rather stretched back then. We really had neither the room nor the money for two extra people in the house. But my parents obviously didn’t see it that way; they immediately said ‘yes’ to Jerry. then Jerry added a warning: ‘the boys are not very well behaved, especially the younger one; his name is Ethan.’ Regardless, my parents still were more than willing…
When the boys arrived the next day, we quickly discovered that Ethan’s behavior was much worse than we had expected; he was rude, crude, abrasive, and seemed to lack any kind of discipline. We all tried to be nice to and patient with Ethan, but our patience wore thin very quickly.
… my father is one of the kindest and most patient men I have ever known. However, the one thing he has absolutely no tolerance for is any show of disrespect towards my mother…. Whenever any of us kids was the least bit disrespectful towards Mom, Dad would sharply reprove us. He didn’t spank us– Dad was famous for rare scoldings in ‘that tone of voice’ and with ‘the look.’ Without fail, this sent chills up our spine.
It didn’t take long for Ethan to cross the line. On his second day with us, he yelled and swore at Mom. I remember sitting in the living room with my brothers and sisters, trying to get as far away from Ethan and his brother as possible. We heard all of this happening down the hallway in my parent’s room. My dad said loudly ‘ETHAN!’ He raced over, picked Ethan up, and carried him down the hallway into a private room, closing the door behind.
All the while, only one thought went through my head: ‘all right Dad! It’s about time you took care of that little twerp! Go ahead Dad, use ‘that voice’ and give him the look!
Less than two minute later Dad and Ethan emerged from the room embracing as my dad slowly carried him down the hallway.
After that episode, Ethan was a totally different child. From that very moment, he was the sweetest, most pleasant and loving child I have ever seen. I, for one, was absolutely shocked to see the instant change that occurred in Ethan. To this day, I believe I witnessed a miracle. An incredible transformation happened right before my eyes. Ethan and his brother ended up staying with us much longer than the two weeks we had originally expected. They stayed with us for about two months; throughout that entire period, Ethan remained the near ‘perfect child.’
What was it that caused Ethan to change so immediately and so miraculously? Was it a good spanking? Was it a good yelling out? Was it the ‘firm hand of discipline’ that caused the change?
Dad shared the answer with me some time later (and we’ve discussed it many times over the past three decades). He told me that when he took Ethan into that private room and sat him down, Ethan was shivering like a leaf. Ethan was afraid of what he expected to be physical punishment. Dad looked Ethan straight in the eye, and in a raised tone said, ‘Ethan, I LOVE YOU!’ Ethan’s countenance immediately changed. Ethan stayed quiet for a couple seconds, then asked, ‘you… love… ME?’ Dad responded, ‘yes, I really do love you, and I want you to be good!’
At that point Ethan jumped up and hugged my dad, and didn’t want to let go. Dad then instructed him on how he expected him to act from then on. They left the room with Ethan hugging Dad. That’s the image my siblings and I saw walking down the hallway less than two minutes after they went into the room upset…“
I’ve seen similar miracles with my students, that are still a little bit too fresh and personal to share in a public forum. These changes are permanent, and complete. The time that it takes to release old energy and refill with new energy, to replace fear with faith, for example, can be and often is instantaneous.
The change cannot be superficial, it has to be real. The heart seems to change. People who go through this process (and there are thousands, I assure you, anyone CAN do this) explain that their disposition changes. They want to be good and help others around them experience joy.
The one thing that holds people people back is the subconscious. Tomorrow we will talk about some of the subconscious motivation for holding on to failure and problems, rather than letting them go.